Life is Not All Sunshine and Rainbows

dff7ca3cb3feec55e26b53eab08ad421This week, a wave of depression hit me like the plague. I’ve been dragging my feet since Monday, through slush, snow., anger, and sadness. The sun shone a little today but was mostly overcast. Nonetheless, I am enjoying the longer sunny days now that spring is right around the corner – so that’s something to be grateful for. Today wasn’t a good day since my mood made me completely incapable of concentrating on the task at hand and thus, I left clinical practice early. I cannot afford to miss any more days so this depression needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP. At least I am consciously aware of it and want to do something about the problem.

Here’s what I cannot do: I cannot pretend to be fine when I am not fine. In fact, people can see right through my facade. I know exactly what led to my depression and my neuroses caused me to negatively react, ruminate over the things I lack, and continue to dwell on my own shortcomings. However, even with strong willpower and determination to accept life as is, I don’t think that my depression could have been prevented. Eventually, I would have gotten “the news.”

depression-quote-hp-44-1What saddens me most is that I am not where I want to be in life, and I feel stuck which frustrates me so much. Part of me blames myself for royally screwing up school the first time around, thus forcing me to take not one but two degrees, and therefore, wasting 8-9 years of my life in university. I could have been a nurse by now. I could have been working in NICU by now. I could have had a house by now. I could have left this country by now. I could have been accomplishing better things by now. I could have been ahead by now. It feels like I am living in an illusion that is based solely on schedules, lack of time, coffee, deadlines…..and what for?

In order to deal with my depression, I plan on limiting distractions so that I can focus on school or at least until I finish the semester. There are 33 days left in the semester so during this time, I plan to limit all distractions in order to calm my worried little mind.

Thank you for understanding if I’m AFK.

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Less Talking, More Listening

Paradoxes are literally EVERYWHERE in life

What is a paradox? A paradox is a statement that may seem absurd or contradictory but yet can be true, or at least makes sense.

pict--arrow-loop-sales-arrows---vector-stencils-library.png--diagram-flowchart-exampleFunny thing that I learned about the universe is that life is a paradox with many smaller paradoxes. The littlest, most mundane (and sometimes most annoying) things in life may actually be trying to subtly teach you something. If you are a believer in God, then he is truly a master in disguise.

So I have been #not-blessed with this sickness after recovering from conjunctivitis last week. Being sick with one thing after another is far from pleasant. Anyways, my awful sore throat decided that my body would play host to it last Thursday while I was just starting to recover form conjunctivitis. See my last post for the full story. Unfortunately, I have not had a restful sleep in several days and this sore throat has no plans to leave any time soon. After finding out that I have laryngitis AND tracheitis (like is this really a thing?), the doctor told not to talk for the next 2-3 weeks to avoid agitating my larynx which will prevent coughing fits and lead to easier breathing. Because this sickness is probably viral, no OTC meds are going to help me recover any faster no matter how hard I try. Lovely, eh? Knowing that I have little control over my sickness and my health it seems, and that I should just STFU to make everything better, I know this recovery won’t be easy. Talking is part of my job as a student and part of my existence on this planet. I guess what God is trying to teach me is that I will need to do some deep introspective thinking about my life and the people who I interact with which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

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Maybe its’s time to personally reflect on my own shortcomings to gain a deeper understanding of life | Photo sourced from https://www.pexels.com/photo/amazing-balance-blur-boulder-312839/

Ont thing that I am certain of in life is that everything happens for a reason or is somehow supposed to teach you lessons. So what is my lesson here? To become an active listener. Since I shouldn’t be talking, I will be forced to listen to others and think before I open my mouth.🤐

What lessons are you learning today? This month? Please join the conversation and leave a comment below↓

Thanks for stopping by!

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