Breaking Trust

1:00 AM: My heart is pounding through my chest and anger rages through my veins like a forest fire. I’m not angry – I’m furious. I feel like the carpet has been pulled out from under my feet by some prankster. Right now, I’m sobbing like a 2-year old who desperately longs for a comforting hug and a popsicle to soothe the pain. In reality, I am an adult and I won’t be eating any popsicles tonight to help me self-soothe the pain away. The pain I feel is emotional and I’m not the type to eat my feelings anyways.

I apologize for wasting your time with another depressing post. If you would prefer to read something more uplifting and positive, feel free to click away. Because this is the internet and everyone can read my blog posts, I cannot openly express who hurt me or share the juicy details with you. That being said, this post isn’t directed towards you or anyone else in the blogging community. I am writing this blog post because it’s incredibly painful for me to fathom what happened last night and I just want to be understood.

As some of you already know, 2019 has been a bad year for me. I try my best to stay positive but it’s difficult when I’m dealing with $hit that is VERY triggering to my mental health and well-being. Tomorrow, I have my first cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) session on campus so I plan to discuss my anxiety and trust issues with the therapist. I have been on a 3-month waiting list so I am grateful that I am finally getting some professional help.

What the hell is happening to the world?

Everyone handles anger differently. My anger accumulates in the pit of my stomach which makes it difficult for me to eat after experiencing hurt or betrayal. My negative emotions feel like a tangled ball of anger, envy, jealousy, and frustration towards everything that’s wrong in my life right now. It is like I am drowning in my own sea of negative emotions and I have lost the ability to breathe.

large

This elegant image of Miku Hatsune illustrates depression in an artistic way. Source: https://weheartit.com/entry/253679447

As Sheldon states from The Big Bang Theory, “Everything is changing and it’s simply too much!” After being mislead and lied to by my loved ones this week, I don’t know who I can trust anymore. I have been lied to by friends in the past which seriously sucks, but loved ones… really? Am I destined to be lied to by everyone I encounter in my life? What other secrets have they been keeping from me?

10:00 AM: In my book, lying is NOT okay. From the moment I met you, I made it very clear that lying is unacceptable and that I won’t tolerate it. However, you made the choice to keep me in the dark by making me oblivious and ignorant to the world around me. Like they say, ignorance is bliss…. but is it really bliss? Even though you felt like it was best to protect me during my most vulnerable moments, you still lied to my face and broke the foundation that we worked so hard to build. You probably felt like I was too emotionally unstable to handle the truth, but you also kept me in the dark. Right now, I’m having a hard time trusting anyone including you.

Trust-Quotations-052

Trust is a fragile thing – difficult to build and easy to break.

How does it feel when you realize that you’ve been lied to? Do you believe that it is ever OK to lie to someone? Please join the conversation and leave a comment below ↓ I really enjoy reading your comments! ❤️

Thanks for stopping by!

great-vibes.regular (1)

🌞The Sunshine Blogger Award 5.0🌞

Whoever is reading this post, thank you for taking time out of your day to connect with me! I hope you are all doing well. In case you missed my last post, here is a link to my last blog post titled 3.2.1 Quote Me! – love. 

screen-shot-2018-03-23-at-8-2116615623 (1)The Sunshine Blogger Award is per recognition award for bloggers who inspire readers by promoting positivity and bringing joy. Thank you, Steve, from Steve’s Country, for nominating me or the award. Your blog really does make me smile “as wide as a country sunrise.”   

I highly recommend that you follow Steve if you haven’t done so already. His collection of beautiful flora and fauna photography, as well as vivid imagery he creates through poetry and personal experiences is sure to take you on an adventure while you sip your morning coffee. We also live in the same country which is pretty cool! Oh Canada! 🇨🇦

sunshine-blogger-award-1024x679-1024x585-1

🌞Sunshine Blogger Award Rules🌞

The Sunshine Blogger Award has rules (surprise, surprise!). These rules ensure the success of this award, providing exposure to all the award winners. The rules are quite simple and straightforward.

Rules for Award:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog so others can find them.
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you.
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
  • Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts.
  • List the rules and display a Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or your blog site.

Questions I was asked:

1. What is your favourite fruit? Personally, I love them all so it’s hard for me to narrow it down to just one. I can narrow it down to my top 3 favourite fruits: peaches 🍑 mangoes 🥭 and raspberries😍

2. What one place in the world would you like to visit, outside your own country? The cherry blossom festival in Japan!

3. Do you like pets? As a matter of fact, I like cats and dogs. At one point, I wanted to be a veterinarian but I feel like this is every girl’s dream. I co-oped at a veterinary clinic and got to adopt a pug from a litter of pug puppies after witnessing a disturbing euthanasia that left me in tears. I named my pug after the pug that was euthanized in memory of that dog. My pug is now 9 years old and she lives with my parents in Ontario. Recently, my husband and I adopted a cat from a local animal shelter to help me deal with my depression. I love this cat so much and he puts up with a lot of toddler shenanigans….

15351721078_390261454f_k

Zoë is a 9 year old fawn pug who lives with my parents. She enjoys spending time at my dad’s boat on weekends.

WhatsApp Image 2019-05-12 at 11.21.50 AM.jpeg

My boy, Timon, chilling in his cat tree.

4. Do you like beetles? I don’t mind The Beatles as in the band, but I am terrified of creepy crawlies. I get itchy just thinking about beetles.

5. Do you enjoy flower gardening? Honestly, I’ve never tried to tend to a garden. Considering how terrible I am at keeping house plants alive, I rather not chance it. A few potted plants is all I need to be happy.

some-edits-and-stuff-i-used-to-make-when-i-was-bored_15351327818_o

I wouldn’t mind having potted plants like these! Courtney S. is the owner of this photo (we were neighbors a very long time ago) but I don’t have a link to give her credit.

6. Do you enjoy yard work? My mom complains about the weeds, so I probably wouldn’t enjoy yard work. I didn’t mind mowing the lawn as a kid because my dad paid me to mow it. Now that I’m an adult, I would prefer to own a property that requires little to no yard maintenance.

7. Do you like winter? If yes, you obviously don’t live around here. By winter I mean at least 5 months with snow on the ground and temps getting as cold as -30°C. NOPE! 👎 I dislike climates that are too hot or too cold. Canada is way too cold for me and our winters/cold temperatures typically last 8+ months of the year with approx. 2 months of scorching hot summers. When it’s -30°C outside and I’m with you, I literally cannot feel my face. Seriously, who thought that living in Canada was a good idea?

img_0934_19087557293_o.jpg

Summer vs. winter in Canada. Don’t let the pretty snow fool you.

8. Do you enjoy traveling? Yes and no. Travelling is a bit stressful and I usually don’t find it relaxing. I haven’t done a lot of travelling so my views might change once I start exploring more countries. This summer, we will be flying across the country to visit our families and honestly, even these “mini vacations” are mentally draining and physically exhausting.

9. Do you enjoy moving? My husband and I move around A LOT. Honestly, I don’t know what home is anymore. Within the last 5 years, we have moved house a handful of times. We will be moving again in a couple of years, hopefully to our forever home. My husband wants to leave Canada for several reasons but I am not thrilled about moving to a foreign country.

10. Do you prefer sunrise or sunset? Notice the word prefer, means pick only one. I prefer sunset because most evenings, I get to watch the sun set. Usually I am still asleep when the sun rises.

11. How many hours of sleep do you prefer to have? Ideally, 8-9 hours of sleep. I can easily sleep 13+ hours on any given day, so I have to force myself to wake up at a reasonable hour. I don’t know why I’m always tired but it’s probably a result of food allergies or intolerance.


🌞Sunshine Blogger Award Nominees🌞

https://thelawofattractionandmylife.com

https://gcerrato.home.blog

https://huguetteantoun.com

https://easydiet.blog

https://mynamaste365online.blog

http://jennylouise.blog/category/healthy-mind

https://vihani.home.blog

https://ashokwahi.wordpress.com

https://sensiblyfrugalliving.home.blog

https://discoveringyourhappiness.com

https://miscellaneousmichelleca.wordpress.com

Questions for the nominees:

1. What country do you live in?
2. What year did you publish your first blog post?
3. What is your favorite blog post you’ve written and why?
4. What is the most valuable thing you’ve learned from blogging?
5. What book has influenced you greatly?
6. What is the meaning of life?
7. If you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine, what would it be and why?
8. What is the scariest thing you have ever done for fun?
9. Are you a listener or a talker?
10. Would you rather have more time or more money?
11. What song best describes your life right now?

And….GO!! There is no pressure to respond to this nomination, as I know you have very busy lives outside of the blogging world. I look forward to reading your answers if you do decide to participate in the Sunshine Blogger Award. I am curious to know what your answers are!

great-vibes.regular (1)