Currently, Lately

August was another busy month for me – surprise! surprise! 🤷‍♀️ I have not been journaling or habit tracking, which I think contributed towards my $hit mood. Normally, I wouldn’t even bother writing a blog post but I promised myself that I would post at least 1-2 blog posts per month and my calendar indicates that I haven’t posted anything for the month of August. I don’t know if you checked your calendar lately, but it is almost the end of August. The older I get, the faster time seems to disappear. As some of you may know, I turned the big 30 on August 4, 2021 and I am not gonna lie – I am not thrilled about being on the other side of 13 going on 30.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is img_0586-edited.jpg

I spent my 30th birthday at my parents’ house and brought the husband, Rebecca, and Baby Aaron with me. My mom surprised me with a beautiful cake from a charming bakery called Bellissima. It turns out that you can have your cake and eat it too. We had the lemon buttercream cake which exceeded everyone’s expectations. This cake is hands-down, the best buttercream cake that I have ever tasted, and the macarons were heavenly! I highly recommend checking out this bakery the next time you are in Waterloo, ON! 🙂

I let Rebecca blow out the candle on my cake #Bellissima

Most people would be eager to brag write about what they did on their birthday and one would think that I am excited to share with you all of the deets. What I am giving you here is a brief synopsis of a couple of highlights, at most. Admittedly, I feel somewhat anhedonic towards a lot of things, and I am not sure what is causing me to feel this way. Currently, my life feels like one big blur, where the days bleed into one another and the nights are far from peaceful. My mind is its own worst enemy so the last thing I want is to be alone with my thoughts. It’s counter-intuitive really, because the best way to handle depression and/or anhedonia is to spend time along with your thoughts, basking in your stillness, and simply “being.”

A Trip Down Memory Lane

When I spent the weekend at my parents’ house, I was able to address an aching pain that’s been burning in my heart for the past decade 💔 Sadly, I learned that I still had no desire to try and patch broken friendships from my teenage years. A part of me was scared and anxious, but truth be told, I would have probably made an effort to reach out to them if I still cared. The idea of “let’s do coffee” seemed too awkward, and deep down, I knew that I wasn’t ready to take a trip down memory lane. I thought I was ready, but instead I chose to take the road of least resistance and binge-watched Season 3 of Desperate Housewives. 🤫

Now that I are back from our mini-vacation, most of my time is spent working, sleeping, doing chores, and taking care of the kiddos. Perhaps I am stuck in a rut or maybe this is the beginning of a #Milleniallifecrisis. In fact, over these past few years, I have slowed my life down by 50% and cut out 50% of the things that I used to do. Most of the time, we are too busy chasing our tails trying to find the next shiny thing rather than slowing the f*** down. So tell me, when was the last time you stopped and smelled the roses? 🌹🥀

Want to know what makes me happy? Sunflowers 🌻🌻

My mom got me a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers! 🌻

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ FINAL THOUGHTS

Flowers really do cheer me up, especially when I’m feeling like $hit. I’m curious to know if flowers cheer you up as well. If you like flowers too, what is your favorite flower? Please leave a comment by joining the conversation below 🠓 I am working this weekend and will try my best to respond to your comments. And if it takes me a while to reply to you, please be patient with me!

“I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment. And that is all I can expect of anyone, including me.”

–Affirmation of the day

Thanks for stopping by! ❤

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image.png

53 thoughts on “Currently, Lately

  1. Sally says:

    Warmest Congratulations on your birthday, Hilary !
    The photos are beautiful.
    I had a difficult emotional time turning 30, but each decade got easier. Life, as it unfolds in different stages, brings many blessings.
    I always have fresh flowers around. Roses are my favourite, right now I have pale pink ones. 🤗🌷

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you so much, Sally! 🙂 All photos were taken on my phone. Luckily, my mom’s balcony is quite photogenic which makes snapping pics a bit easier! 🌻 I am indifferent towards my age… I don’t like that I’m aging and that my health isn’t at the baseline that it once was. I’m trying everything I can to prevent my health issues from getting worse, and some days it makes me depressed and frustrated.

      Roses are really pretty. I associate them with love and special occasions. Rose bushes are nice but the thorns are prickly🌹Thank you for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sally says:

        Actually, when I turned 30, my husband made reservations at a nice restaurant, but my distress at ‘getting older’ , made me feel not hungry…

        Now I am more than twice that age. We are all wise when we are proactive about health issues.
        I can tell from your photos that you have many blessings in your life.
        And that cake is fabulous ! 🤗

        Like

      • Hilary Tan says:

        You do not look your age, Sally. You look young! I agree that it’s always good to make health a priority 🙂

        I try to practice gratitude every morning. There are many things I wish I had, but at the same time, I shouldn’t take the things I do have for granted.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. bosssybabe says:

    🌻🌻🌻You’re in town, yay! Glad you could see some family during this time! Sorry you’ve been feeling a bit down.. If I am honest, my mind has been doing overtime somersaults as well!! Can’t seem to get it to settle at night (I drink that same sleepy tea lol)!

    Happy belated, hope it was a good one!Your baby is incredibly adorable!!😘😘😘😊😍

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      I *was* in town end of July/early August but I was only in the K-W area and the GTA. This past month, I haven’t been in a happy place mentally despite being productive. Usually I would have a lot to write about but this blog post was honestly very challenging to write. The words weren’t flowing the way I wanted. Pair that with major writer’s block, brain fog, and headaches. Yuck.

      Sleepy tea helps me to an extent but the one I have doesn’t taste very good, so I seldom drink it. Right now I’m on evening rotation so I don’t have to wake up at 4:15am like last week! 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. V says:

    I must confess, I have already seen all of the photos. But, I still came to read and support, because I saw it in my email inbox and I thought ‘Yeah, 30 club unite!’

    Welcome to your thirties, my dear. You’re going to love it.

    Stay safe at work please.

    Also, you have very cute kids!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you for reading and for your support V! 🙂 That’s awesome that you subscribed to my blog posts – that really means a lot 😊

      Taking things day by day and praying that we don’t get sick. We can only do so much… sanitize, sanitize, sanitize. Repeat. I never really liked emergen-C but started drinking it before going to work 🍊I hope that you’re doing well and that you’re kicking covid-19 to the curb! 😷

      Like

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you so much for your well wishes! Sorry it took so long to reply 😓 Yes, in many ways it was good to move on from these [toxic] friendships. In some ways, it still makes me sad that I haven’t kept any connections with these people. Knowing that they are just a click away on social media makes (not that I use social media) me feel like there’s unfinished business. Tbh I don’t feel at peace and don’t like being in my home town because of the painful memories attached to it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • winteroseca says:

        I used to feel that way about old friends too, but I found peace later on. I understand about not being at peace in your home town. Story of my life!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hilary Tan says:

        It seems like I’m able to deal with it unless I’m visiting my home town. It’s the memories attached to that place that I wish I didn’t have to be reminded of. Not being on FB helps – I rather not look up what ppl from my past are doing.

        I’m all for traveling and living in different countries! 🙂 In a way, it gives a person peace of mind as well as the ability to rewrite their story, or build upon the current one and make it better!

        Like

      • winteroseca says:

        One reason I gave up on Facebook is because of that! Also, I don’t like them reminding you what you posted before. Like, you can’t move on with life when that happens.
        That is true about living in other countries, but it does come with a lot of baggage. I have needed a lot of help in rebuilding my life

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hilary Tan says:

        Right? Like I don’t like Facebook reminding me of my past. I agree that it makes it incredibly difficult to move on when FB wants us to reminisce on these “memorable” moments 😏

        Like

  4. popsiclesociety says:

    Happy Birthday month Hilary! Being 30 it seems a big step in our journey but each age has its beauty 😉
    Going back home sometime can be stressful but is also lovely to spend some time with the loved ones 😉 That cake looks absolutely beautiful! 😋
    Sunflowers 🌻 are really happy flowers! Is difficult for me to choose one flower, I do like them all and really make me smile 😃

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you so much, Ribana! 🙂 Indeed, going home was a stressful experience for sure and I’m happy to be back at “home,” that is, my new home. I really do like having a birthday in August because the weather is nice, fruits are in season, and flowers are abundant! 🌺

      Liked by 1 person

  5. sammicakes says:

    Thank you for sharing how you’ve been feeling with total honesty. I hope you find comfort in your thoughts and your mind, no matter what shape its in that day, so you can live as happy as you can. My favorite flower is the pink rose and the blue moonflower :))

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      I try to be as honest and transparent as possible! Thank you for your thoughtful reply and I’m sorry it took this long to respond. I often forget to check older blog posts and end up missing comments as a result 🤦‍♀️

      Pink roses are lovely 💐 I’m not sure if I’m familiar with blue moon flowers – the name alone sounds pretty. I’m picturing these flowers in Animal Crossing. I know there’s pink roses, but there’s also a variety of other flowers too, including some of the rarer blue flowers.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Liz says:

    A lovely post and nice to hear from you.
    Your birthday cakes looks brilliant and I can imagine how excellent this tasted.

    I love lavender, but any bright flowers are cheerful. My hayfever says know to flowers indoirs though.
    I love your sunflowers, which are another cheerful flower.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Silver Stone says:

    Not gonna lie, that cake looks really delicious and tempting, especially with the berries and macarons! Those sunflowers look so lovely, and yes: they’re really great flowers.
    It’s so great to hear from you, and I hope you’re doing okay now. Also, belated happy birthday!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      My replies are a bit slow because I am working [again] this weekend. Thank you for the belated birthday wishes. I cannot believe that it is the month of September already. Sadly, my sunflower plant died ☹ Another sign that summer is over. We get 2 months of hot weather and 10 months of cold weather here.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you, Melissa 🙂 It’s hard to believe that it’s already the end of August. This month flew right by!

      The cake was as tasty as it was pretty. I have yet to find a bakery out west that makes cakes like these. In the meantime, there’s homemade cakes and #Costco cake 🍰

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you, Jenny! Btw You’ll have to show me Neverland sometime – sounds like a great place. The thought of not having to grow up sounds nice 😇 I don’t think that turning a year older every year gets any easier tbh.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s