A new page section has been added titled “Poetry” which you can access at the top of this blog. Over the next several weeks, I will continue writing poems since this seems to be something that I enjoy doing now, especially during exam season. Here is a sneak peak at some of the poems that I am adding to this blog. All poems are written by me and are 100% original.
Table of Contents
A few months ago, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t buy candy. This past week has been difficult for me, and when I’m stressed, promises may get broken. All my life, I’ve only known the traditional Sour Patch Kids, which were my favorite candy growing up. When Blue was introduced, that was exciting for me and blue raspberry did not disappoint. It is very rare to find unusual flavors in Canada where we live, so when I found a Tropical mix, I couldn’t say no. In the US, I could imagine finding a bag of Tropical Sour Patch Kids in every grocery store, but not in Canada. Here is my review of the tropical flavors, from most tasty to least tasty, to give you an idea of what to expect:
Orange – Tropical Twist; This flavor definitely lives up to the name. Tastes mostly like mangoes with some other tropical fruits mixed in. I cannot tell what fruits they are exactly, but the flavor is good for artificial tropical. Mango and Pineapple? Mango, pineapple, and orange? Who knows!
White – Pineapple; It’s not bad, and but I thought it was Pina Colada. Had they named it, “Pina Colada,” you would instantly know what flavor this is as soon as it hits your tongue? Also, this candy is white – not yellow, so I don’t know why their site features this flavor as a yellow candy. Pineapple-coconut or whatever this candy is by default isn’t my favorite candy flavor so I cannot give it first place. However, I’m impressed by this one.
Pink – Paradise Punch; Given that description, I had no idea what to expect. It didn’t taste bad but it didn’t taste great either. It definitely passed in terms of the sour factor. I love sour things, and Pink was the sourest of all 4 flavors. However, when it changed to sweet, that’s where it went from good to bad.
Purple – Passionfruit; This is an unusual flavor and I expected better, honestly. Passionfruit was the reason I bought these Sour Patch Kids in the first place. Overall, this flavor was the worst of the bunch and purple didn’t taste like passionfruit to me. This flavor possesses a very artificial, chemical flavor straight out of a laboratory.
Overall Rating: ★★✩✩✩
I won’t be buying Tropical Sour Patch Kids again. In comparison to original flavors in terms of tastiness, these tropical kids were nowhere close. Tanginess? Probably. The Pink is definitely the tangiest of the bunch but compared to the original flavors, these flavors are just “meh”. Tropical candy isn’t my preference when it comes to artificial flavors so this probably affects my rating. See for yourself: try them and rate them. See if they live up to the original flavors and let me know what you think of Tropical Sour Patch Kids in the comments below.↓
This post is a continuation of Weeding Out Toxic Friends. If you haven’t read it yet, please read that blog post first.
Update: Since I mailed my letter to Jenna and she should have received it by now, I decided to write to Emma* as well. For their sake, real names won’t be disclosed. Lately, I noticed that I am mourning the loss of these friendships even though these girls hurt me deeply. Writing closure letters is a healthier way to deal with these feelings of grief. Hopefully, Jenna read her letter but I’ll never know for sure since I completely cut ties with her. It is likely that Emma will read her letter but I’m unsure whether she’ll actually feel bad about how she treated me. She’s extremely selfish and lacks any form of emotion and empathy for others.
Emma isn’t exactly the sharpest pencil of the pack, so I decided to dumb my letter down for her. It’s longer than letter #1 because I wrote out definitions and thoroughly explained things so she would understand it. I questioned why I often hung out with Emma because we were in completely different leagues, socially and academically. I’m an intellect – a high achiever, while she spent the majority of high school in special ED homework help class. Someone, please tell me how this counts as credit towards high school graduation?? She failed the grade 10 literacy test twice and the reason why we became friends in the first place. While she was taking literacy class in summer school, I was studying advanced physics to skip a grade. Her parents are teachers so it is puzzling as to why she didn’t receive proper help and guidance outside of school.
Dear Emma,
So we are not exactly “friends” anymore, but I think you have the right to know how I really feel. There was a time when I would have cared enough to send an apology text message begging for forgiveness. Now, I just don’t care enough anymore to say “I’m sorry” because truthfully, I didn’t do anything wrong and here’s why:
I do not appreciate being belittled by you, insulted and talked down to as if I am stupid. In case you don’t know what belittled means, “To belittle, means to put down or to make another person feel as though they aren’t important. Saying mean things about another person literally makes them feel “little.” To belittle someone is cruel ways of making someone else seem less important than you.” You belittle me all the time, and Jenna feels this way too even though she will never admit it. She pretends to ignore it, but I am going to speak up.
You may think that you are better than the rest of us, but news flash! You’re not superior to others. Do not text me again asking me, “What is wrong with you??” Do not send me anymore obnoxious YouTube music videos about flakiness. In case you don’t know what flaky means, it means, “an unreliable person. Dishonest and doesn’t keep their word.” I always showed up on time to our meetings. Out of curiosity, tell me how often Jenna bailed on you. She’s bailed on me as well, and that is the definition of a flaky person. I am not dishonest and will flat out tell you what’s wrong if we have a problem. However, lately, I have been stepping on eggshells around you, afraid that you will misinterpret what I said. I know what Jenna did to you the night you two went to Menchies (Recall: March 1, 2017). Remember how much it hurt you when Jenna and I went to Menchies and you felt excluded because you weren’t there? Think about how I felt the night you two went to Menchies without me. How is this any different than how you felt? It’s a sucky feeling to be excluded.
On the night you two were devouring your frozen desserts, Jenna randomly texted me while I was in the middle of writing anatomy notes. *PING!* goes my phone. Jenna hardly texts me anymore, so I was a bit puzzled by this random text message and assumed it was important. I open the message, disappointed to see that she sent me a rather obnoxious image of your frozen yogurts and tells me to “rate it.” Tell me, if this was sent to you, and it was obvious that you weren’t included, how would you feel? At first, I wasn’t going to reply to it at all, but thought, what the heck! At least she’s making the effort to make small talk with me right? I decided to send a witty reply, hoping to add some comedy to this otherwise ignorant text message. I shouldn’t have fallen for her trap but it was too late. I replied with a long metaphor comparing an innocent frozen dessert to social media and how everyone competes for attention on the internet, which you didn’t understand because this humor wasn’t meant for you. I was texting Jenna, not you but Jenna decided to make it your business. Jenna replied to me saying that my metaphor was funny but that’s clearly NOT what she told you. So what did she tell you exactly? That I was insulting? Wow.
What she told you was a lie, but this time I am not going to apologize for something I didn’t do. In case you don’t know what a metaphor is, it means, “a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is NOT literally applicable.” You took it literally.
Here is an example of a metaphor: “I had fallen through a trapdoor of depression.” It doesn’t literally mean that you fall through a trapdoor.
Now relate this back to the original text message that I sent Jenna if you saw it. Do you get it now? I wasn’t insulting your dessert. I was in figuratively comparing two unrelated things and finding similarities between them and personifying frozen yogurt as if it was a person on Fakebook, Twitter etc. So no, there is nothing wrong with me, but thanks for the unwanted insult. (Now I am being sarcastic here. If you don’t know what sarcastic means, look it up).
Without the online/texting drama, I am living a much more peaceful life now. I am not telling people my personal business thanks to Jenna teaching me what NOT to do. What she did was unforgivable but I have already written to her. I am sick of Jenna’s sick twisted ways of manipulating your feelings leading you to irrationally lash out at me. Your behavior wasn’t necessary and perhaps our friendship could have been spared if you took the time to actually think before you freaked out at me. She plays you like a fool but you haven’t realized it yet. Honestly, I feel a bit sorry for you because you keep crawling back to her, and the drama/fights/back-stabbing continues. Your behavior and treatment towards me and others are not acceptable. What’s worse is that you don’t often instigate it – often it’s her who told you something to upset you, on PURPOSE. Have you noticed this trend? I’m tired of it. Over the years, it became harder to relate to you on a deeper level and our friendship was often “shallow.” One day we were Facebook besties, usually after a fight between you and Jenna. The next day Jenna was your bestie. A week later you hated her guts. The next week you and I were best friends supposedly. Often it seems like she is your bestie but you’re not actually her bestie. It’s not a 2-way street like she’s manipulated you into thinking it is. I can tell you who her bestie is, but I’m not going to gossip about stuff that isn’t my business. Like I said earlier, it felt like I was stepping on eggshells because you could snap at me at any second. You were quite rude to me, insulting my intelligence and acting superior to everyone else. Superior means, “to act like we are stupid and that you can do no wrong, that you’re ALWAYS right in every situation.”
There was something I liked about you though. You were willing to genuinely apologize after our fight last year. Jenna instigated the fight and manipulated it (of course she did…) but she never apologized for her behavior. Truth is, she never apologizes for ANYTHING. Remember how she would often bail on you and not show up when she was supposed to? Over time, she started bailing on me as well, canceling plans on me or not informing me that she was busy. It was really rude. But the biggest issue I have with her is the fact that she vanishes shortly after she starts drama. You’re open about your feelings when something is bothering you. Jenna on the other hand, wouldn’t say anything and would disappear in the middle of the drama. She wouldn’t answer texts for days, call me back, and would ignore me. The night you sent me that angry text message about the frozen yogurt, Jenna vanished. She explained nothing to me, that you were upset, or anything. No text. *POOF!* and she disappears and pretends to act like she knows nothing the next time she’s questioned about it. Every incident was like this with Jenna but this time was the last straw. I’ve had it with her bullshit and I’ve had it with you leaping before thinking. I am tired of being that “third wheel.” I want the best for everyone and don’t exclude people intentionally. I can clearly see what she did that night (and last year too), and hopefully, now you can understand my side of the story.
You probably thought that I was stealing Jenna from you but I wasn’t. It truly is unfortunate that I’m not friends with either of you now because of the damage caused. I have some good memories with you and I won’t forget these moments. I feel saddened that things ended the way that they did but I have no interest in repairing my friendship with you. It is exhausting and I am tired of putting my energy into a friendship that is draining me and putting me down more than it is lifting me up. The insults, the belittlement, the back-stabbing; it’s simply too much. I hate to say this, but my friendship with you has become unhealthy. It was really nice knowing you and being a part of your life, and I wish you all the best. I hope that you learned something from all of this and that one day you’ll find better friends too. Since it’s clear that we aren’t making each other happy anymore, it’s best that we go our separate ways. It was really nice knowing you all of these years, and sharing memories together. I wish you all the best in your endeavors. –Hilary♥
I have decided to take up this odd hobby called blogging. Ever since my daughter was born, I have lost all desire in posting on Fakebook, Instagram and I hardly deal with Twitter. It’s scary… starting from scratch and feeling overwhelmed by the burden of branding yourself. What if nobody reads my posts? Am I just wasting my time? I keep telling myself that this is for me to look back on one day, as a way to document my life.
Now am back at square one and want to make my life memorable without the nagging and pestering people door to door, the cold-calling and the other nightmarish marketing tactics that they taught us to do. I am tired of selling people shit they could use but don’t want, and that I don’t need (thanks to auto-ship). Here sits, several bottles later of nutritional powders and pills on my parent’s shelf, unopened and expired. I decided to quit selling products and instead do something good for the world. Right now I am studying courses for school because I came to the conclusion that I want to have a career which requires more education.
So why am I here? Lonely, bored, mid-life-twenties crisis I guess. I try and make an effort to talk to my friends around the world on a daily basis. However, some of them have not been as reciprocative as I would have hoped for. Some of these people have been moved from my “friends I trust’ list to my “fair-weather friends who only call me when they want something or never bother with me or bail on me all the time” list. It’s come down to this: I really need new friends. I have made a few online friends and they have helped me cope with my loneliness and yet there is still a large hole in my heart that is waiting to be filled with fun and excitement. I can only talk to a screen and engage with a virtual reality for so long before becoming disconnected from the real world and swept into Facebook, where I end up comparing myself to others, feeling bad about myself and wasting time trying to build a “brand” for myself to get others to like me. GAH!
I needed to get away from it all so I’ve decided to take up blogging as a personal hobby with the hope that some poor soul will stumble across my stuff one day and make me famous. (kidding!) If this blog reaches 500 people I would be ecstatic. Currently, my old slow-as-f*** Toshiba is broken and my unreliable Macbook that I got a year ago died on me. I am stuck using my dad’s laptop when he is not using it – and squeezing in some writing time on some program that is NOT called Microsoft Word, because my technology-challenged parents never bothered installing this useful software. It is amazing that I am even able to write anything for that matter, without them questioning my every move and dissecting my writing. I am a free writer. I do not commit to anything and hate following guidelines and rules. I love to let my ideas flow freely like a waterfall on a sunny day and get totally disengaged from the real world. I have taken up reading again for a hobby because I find it relaxing and a great escape from life’s burdens. Since coming home to visit my parents and prepare for my wedding, I feel like I am living in the 1900’s with limited technology and lack of entertainment. I have to come up with my own “fun” similar to how a little kid plays make believe.
I guess you could say that I have a good life from the observer’s point of view. But let me tell you, it is not all sunshine and rainbows here. You would think that I would have my life together at 24 and my dream job by now. It still eats away at me knowing that my best bet of ever finding employment is to go back to school even though I have a B.Sc in Biological Sciences. It’s not enough to get you a job at a laboratory in the middle of freaking nowhere.The people I talk to on my second Facebook account (that’s right, I have more than one) know me the best and probably know more about my private life than they should. Most of them don’t have jobs either or are very dissatisfied with their lives. I guess misery loves company because I make a great depressing companion. If you ask them about my personal life, they know me better than I know myself. I am a bit of an open book that way and will spill my emotions and thoughts if you let me. They know my weaknesses and can usually get the details out of me. However,
Misery loves company because I make a great depressing companion. If you ask them about my personal life, they know me better than I know myself. I am a bit of an open book that way and will spill my emotions and thoughts if you let me. They know my weaknesses and can usually get the details out of me. However, lately I have been more rigid and not letting my guard down so easily. As for why I have a second account, I’ll save that for another day. I have been through hell and back recently and not even my parents are lecturing me on my actions. For once they are able to relate to me since they’ve been through the same thing.
Overall, I am an average girl trying to compete with the rest of the world for “average” and I think I am doing a pretty damn good job. Considering I didn’t get into the dating scene until my early 20’s (you didn’t see me complain about me being single at 17), I managed to get by quite well. Luckily, I met the right guy at the right time and I thank God every day for this blessing. Personally, I am more of a family-focussed person and value family as something everyone should have. It is something I didn’t really have as a kid and felt left out when other people did fun things with their families and had siblings to play with. As a little girl, I knew that I wanted a large family. Getting there, however, was a huge challenge and I didn’t see myself accomplishing this great leap. I guess this is where I should wrap things up since I am blabbering away about things and nobody really knows who I am yet. Later gators!
My husband and I on our wedding day, May 2016.
